Have you experienced the moment when your heart had been broken into a thousand bits and pieces? Have you ever felt that your world had crumbled down and made a sudden 360 degrees turn? Have you ever been driven over the edge by circumstances? That’s how a separation feels when a loved one has died or someone went away for reasons you can’t understand.
That’s how a separation feels when a loved one has died or someone went away for reasons you can’t understand.
That’s what it is.
Alone again, naturally.
Now, the sad truth stares you in the face.You are scared and confused because you don’t know where to go, what to do and how to start your life anew. You asked yourself endless questions but have no answers.
But, like all other problems in this world, you need to remember one thing . . .
This too shall past.
After bearing with sleepless and tearful nights for days, time will come that you need to STAND UP and FIGHT. Remember that you are facing a complicated task of raising your kids by yourself. You can’t let yourself be defeated without giving it a good fight.
Your might ask, “How will i do this alone, all by myself?” That is a good question. So, let’s talk about it, my friend.
First, give yourself the needed time to heal from the pain. That’s fine. But you also need to take action. Either you do it after the initial trauma of heartache has subsided or while you are still giving yourself the time to go through the grieving process, there is one important thing that you need to do . . .
Get your POWER back.
If you have a job, good. Because you can still provide for your child’s needs. If you don’t, then that’s where it gets complicated. You need to find a job first, then find a support system like a family or friend to look after your kids while you’re looking for a job.
And finding a job is not that easy as well, because some companies are putting a social stigma to single parents. A soon as you have written down those two words “single parent” on your resume , they are already setting themselves up for expectation that things will be difficult once they hire you.
Let’s all face the harsh reality that there are some companies which only care about their business profits, sales and all that jazz. I am not generalizing here. Been there, done that. Life is tough. It’s hard enough to survive in this crazy concrete jungle life when you are a couple, let alone being a single parent.
If your child is sick, they will tell you straight in your face to do something about it, because it’s not their concern – and that the only thing they care about is your productivity. So choose if you want to work in a company, go abroad or set up a small store or any home-based business to jump-start your career while taking care of your children.
Then, there’s another challenge – the prejudices of the moral society, of your religion, people and life in general. As a separated man or woman, sometimes, you are simply being defined by your past mistakes and circumstances. Period.
With all these complications that you are facing alone, you will feel like you are being thrown into the eye of a hurricane. Your world keeps on spinning round and round until you lose your wits.
But whatever hardships you will face as a single parent, your children’s emotional stability should be your top priority. Kids have the tendency to blame themselves for the separation. They feel guilty about it. It’s important for them to know that it’s not their fault. Or if daddy died they think it happened because they are being bad kids.
When your child asks you the questions, “Why are you crying mommy?” “Why are you sad, Daddy?” “Did somebody hurt you?” Do you have to tell your child your feelings? It would be much better for your child if you put on a brave face. The truth is – you are being judged by your child at an early age – that if mommy cries, she is weak. And weakness scares the hell out of children. They are looking for a strong support system because they are also weak, vulnerable . . . and so scared. That’s why children love superheroes, magic, fantasy and teddy bears because they represent something brave and powerful.
If you have seen the movie, “Life Is Beautiful”, it’s about a father’s love to a child whom he shielded from the worries of pain and destruction of the World War II.
It’s not about lying to your child. It’s about protecting your children from the sad reality of your emotional state. They are not an extension of your own emotional drama. You should not use them to gain sympathy and to make them hate the other partner who got away.
They don’t have a clear understanding of what’s going on. Kids only use their emotions to process what is happening in their world. Children will still feel complete if there would be a strong support system like the extended family or friends to love and care for them. The structure of the traditional family have already changed over the years. They will still feel loved even without a father or a mother. Reasons why I admire all the men and women of strength who bring up their kids alone.
If the children are all grown up, then there should be a time to sit down and talk about it so you can give them the real scenario of what their life could be now that you are a single parent. You need to set up their expectations so that they can easily adjust and help you make life easier for all.
Your friends and family’s support is a great thing to have during this time of crisis. They can lessen the burden of going through life alone with all these unexpected responsibilities that fall into your hands.
Single parents are in their most vulnerable at the first few months and years of standing up on their own two feet. They need a solid rock to lean on. But you also have a responsibility for yourself to be brave in facing life alone. Challenges like separation from someone or if a loved one died, are the things that happen without an explanation.
They are called life’s curveballs,” because they are unexpected.
So we either need to change our game plan totally or check the other back up plans. If plan A failed, go to B and so on. But remember that when you are at the lowest and most vulnerable time of life, when you are living at the darkest hour of the night, that is also the point that you need to hold on tighter – and pray to God to give you more strength to keep holding on, till the new ray of sunshine comes.
After sorting out your life in retrospect, after all things are in their proper places, allow yourself to find the true meaning of life and happiness, to learn the important lessons behind it and to find the reasons why things happen. Use all these for your self growth.
And when you do, just remember some of these things . . .
Be courageous. Life is complicated but it’s not a death sentence.
Be patient. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You can’t solve problems in one day.
Be glad for the opportunity to see your strong points.
Be thankful for finding your own hero.
Shout it out.
BECAUSE IN THE EYES OF GOD, ALL SINGLE PARENTS DO MATTER.