Archive | March 2016

Life or Something Like It

Lanie: Things happen. Things you never see coming. And you think afterward: if I’d known this, would I’ve change things? Would I’ve done more? What would I be thinking? I need more time.

Life or something like it

These were lines from a 2002 romantic-comedy movie that I happily indulged myself to see the other night on MBC-2 Home of the Movies, starring Angelina Jolie and Edward Burns. Lanie Kerrigan ( played here by Jolie) – is a Seattle TV station feature reporter who thinks that she got it all – beauty, fame, a hunk of a football player/boyfriend, a high-end condo, luxury car and all that jazz. Until her life was shattered when the self-proclaimed prophet Jack whom she interviewed on the street to find out if his football predictions are true, made a predictions for her so she would believe him. He said that she would die in a week’s time and her superficial life will soon come to an end.

Well, still remaining in doubt about what he said, she just laughed it off. But when his football predictions came true, she panicked. She asked Jack for another prediction – an earthquake in San Francisco – that would prove him wrong about her death. And again, Jack was right. The rest of the week revolved around her attempts at introspection about her impending death.

She began to view life as glass half-empty just because of a prediction that filled her with loneliness, desperation and the thoughts about the failure of accomplishing a dream – From that moment on, everything for her spiraled down the drain and life almost came to a halt. She didn’t find the consolation she desperately needed from her boyfriend so she ended up confiding with her cameraman, Pete.

Lanie: Oh, and if you had a week to live, what would you do?
Pete: I would, you know – I’d have sex with you.
Lanie: See…
Pete: Look, you know what? I don’t know. If I was gonna die in a week, I would – I’d try and live every moment. I would go to see the people that mean the most to me, and I would try and memorize their face. And I would say to them all the things that I wanted to say, but have always been too afraid to.

Anybody can be like Lanie Kerrigan under the same circumstances. Death is a very serious matter of course. This may just be a movie but people also make a big deal out of any negativity around – a bad news, a hate speech or a fight with somebody over petty something. It’s not only about losing a precious life here, but also other stuff that make us worry, overthink or become depress over losing something – money,  a job or a girlfriend. Or it can be losing in a competition. Whatever. These things can also cause disruption or bring chaos to your once peaceful life but you don’t have to view it as complicated all the time.

Pete: Do you have another cameraman who can make her look like a natural blonde?
Lanie: I’m a TV personality. My hair is my trademark. Just like the “I don’t like to shower” look is your trademark.

Ego is such a bad company. Sometimes, things happened because you need see people from the other side of the fence. People always find negativity and  fault in other people or put a blame on somebody when things happened differently.

Losing something no matter how big or small can shake up our nice little world without warning. And instead of accepting what happens, people try to mess things up a little more. Grief comes in stages and going through these naturally will make things a bit easier instead of being in denial that pain exist,  that there is never a chance to be happy again.

So what if you only have seven days to live?

God made the world in seven days and He did accomplish a lot.  Maybe start doing little acts of kindness not only to yourself but to other people as well. There is time to grieve but there is also a time to go out and be a part of something worthwhile. There is still a chance to do something to your own benefit.

Lanie: Well, I hope you’re happy.
Pete: Define happiness
Lani: Your death

Every minute counts. Be mindful of your thoughts. So even if you might still be feeling bleh, uncomfortable and so Nega-Star, you can still do a lot of good stuff to make the most of each day. Things doesn’t have to grand or worthy of internet fame. It doesn’t necessarily mean to help the entire community. Little acts of kindness will make a lot of difference if you start with yourself and even just for one person.

Try singing happy birthday to a friend, soothing an injured puppy, bringing an old woman a flower you pick in the garden, or helping mom in carrying the groceries. Then, if you really can do great deeds then support a charity, or help renovate a church or support a kid’s operation or send an orphan to school. Nothing is wrong with that. Anything is possible and limitless. Just do what is closest to your heart.

Do something good for yourself ASAP. Write yourself a love letter, visit distant relatives and places you used to go and enjoy, eat in your favorite restaurant, draw a picture of things you like, write a journal for the remaining days on how you feel about doing all these things. Anything can happen.

Pete: Did you ever hear the saying ” A picture holds a thousand words”
Lanie: That’s only for people like you who don’t know a thousand words.
Pete: I know two and the first one begins with an F….

Enjoying the remaining days doesn’t necessarily mean grinning from ear to ear 24/7 nor literally jump with joy just to prove you don’t care about dying, or have the feeling that it’s okay to lose something from fire or thank the guy who breaks your heart. But looking at life on a different perspective gives you a better view of the situation and a good chance to face reality.

Pete : Look. I don’t want the opportunity to pass me by again. So I should have told you this a long time ago. But I’ve loved you since the first day I met you.
Lanie: Define love.
Pete: Lanie, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Like all good romantic movies, it was a happy ending. The only part that really died was the life that she didn’t live at all – the superficial life of beauty,fame and fortune, the so-called material things that doesn’t add up to her soul’s evolution.

True enough, the love of a simple guy proved more powerful than her negative thoughts and mind-blowing ego that she started to live and love fully again.

In life or something like it, sometimes going through pain is necessary to feel the beauty of the experiences and see the bright light that hides behind the dark clouds.


Will you be there?


If silver gray hair grow and wrinkles show
If love handles and cellulites get worse
If crow’s feet, laughlines or what have you
Will you be there to admire these too?

If dementia and alzheimers make me forget your name
And if my memory finally fails me
Will my loss hearing and failing eyesight ever be a burden
Will you learn to be patient with care?

Will my varicose veins ever put you in shame
When they show on my hands, legs and feet?
Will you still love the way i smile
Even if i lose some of my teeth?

Will you still touch my hair
Even when you see streaks of grey and white
Will you still look me in the eyes
And say dearly , “With you it feels so right.”

If my migraine attack gets frequent
If arthritis makes me stay all day in bed
Will you care for my needs on these moments
Will you be there beside me instead?

If my wider steps become smaller
And my usual fast moves slower
Will you just leave me alone in despair
Or will you reach out for my hand with care

If I feel my days are numbered
And if my restless breaths get weaker
Will you pray for my dear old soul
When the rays of sunlight get dimmer?

Will you be there to sing me a love song?
Will you be there to hold me tight?
Will your heart beats for me only?
When I finally say my last goodnight.

Anybody can say, I love you
Anybody can say, “I care”
But if all these trials and hardships come
My question is, ” My dearest, will you still be there?”

the voices in your head



The voices in your head says, “You are no good,”
which makes you feel sad and low
thoughts which bring you to your childhood
for the things that you did or didn’t do.

The voices in your head says,” Stop dreaming,”
because your dreams are just too grand
it will take long years to build on something
so might as well ditch the plan.

The voices in your head says,”You are ugly,”
and nobody could ever want you
you don’t belong to anybody
and no person will ever be true.

The voices in your head says,”You are fat,”
and you are big as a blowfish
so forget about trying hard to be healthy
since you won’t ever get that wish.

The voices in your head says,” You are stupid”
and you won’t  make it through high school
so don’t ever waste time to learn and read
because it is better to remain a fool.

The voices in your head says,”You are so poor”
and it is much better to stay that way
because rich people are so hated
so why make an effort anyway.

The voices in your head says,”You are bad”
and you can’t do anything right
so just live up to your own expectations
be mad, be angry and just pick a fight.

The voices in your head says, “You can’t do it”
and your wish will not come true
because people will rain on your parade
And If that happens, “Sorry, but I pity you.”

The voices in your head are mere voices
but they are so big and powerful
it can make a person feel hopeless
it can turn a person into a fool.

Truth is  . . .

The voices in your head are mere voices
yet they are full of lies
just don’t listen to their noises
“please be strong,” that’s my advice.

The voices in your head are the enemies within
but there is ONE THING you can do.
Change your thinking and START A NEW YOU.

colorful stillness


md erni 14

there i was out in the cold
under the clear morning sky
as the streak of sun’s rays
find its way through the trees
a gentle sign and sigh
a loving presence from the Most High

savoring the gentle breeze
while in my mind i see
as the wild branches reaching out
and hugging me softly
comforting, soothing.
almost Zen like to me.

i took a deep,deep breath
slowly, gently
not once or twice
but many times
feeling the joy bursting out
from within
and reflecting through my eyes,
as the love of the Divine enfolds
throwing me into the fit of ecstasy
that I have never known before
as the serenity filled me with gladness
and  the path led me to my old sanctuary

then suddenly . . .

the kaleidoscope of hues
appear out from nowhere
blue, red, indigo,
purple and yellow
as i sway to the rhythm
of movements which sometimes
take me on a long journey
to the past i have known

the rainbow of colors
give meaning to feelings,
overflowing with radiance
and abundance

red brings fiery energy to the future
blue brings serenity of the past
yellow takes me to summer noontimes
purple gives me autumn hopes
my mind swirls and twirls
as i tune in and starts healing
as angels and spirits dance with joy
as the orbs of white light surrounds me

I can feel my heart throbbing,
digging its way to the core
as if its going to explode
heavy with emotions. . .
and filled with desert tears about
lost and,
death of old self unfolds.

reminiscing.. remembering
the journey of the soul
relives the joys and pains
lies and truth
laughters and tears
like a wheel that turns endlessly
spiraling into the abyss
never knowing when to stop
the only thing real are
the slow, gentle breaths
that gives harmony
and making good sense to all these

just when i thought all is lost
i found the strength to pause…

for a moment, i found peace and
the gentle breathing takes me to happy times
of my life . .
and nature . . .

just when i  thought that all has ended
i go back to the gentle breathing
to have my life back again
for a breath of fresh air
a new way of seeing things and
a new hope springs

in this colorful stillness
of the infinite loving spirit
that comes from within.